self-care

My Baby-Free Weekend Self-Care Extravaganza

I’d been dreading this weekend for months.

My 19 month old was in Alberta with his dad visiting family for 4 days and 3 nights (one whole night more than we had ever been apart!) and the last time he went away in October I basically collapsed into a Netflix coma of despair.

But about a week ago it occurred to me, that I can choose a different story this time. So I started planning. I booked myself in for a full body scrub (kind of like a very luxurious car wash!) at the spa one day and a pedicure another. I made a movie date and a brunch date and a lunch date (thank you friends for not giving up on me this winter!). And I made a list of all the self-development stuff that I always think I’d like to have time to do but never actually make time to do, and put it in my calendar.

And you know what? It worked. I actually started to feel excited as the weekend approached. And although it was hard and I missed Dax terribly, the appointments and plans with friends got me moving and out of the house enough to start to really enjoy the me time. I had baths and read my book and relaxed with my face mask. I took a luxuriously long time to do my makeup. And by the time he got home yesterday I felt grounded, refreshed, and so full of love and gratitude.

Personal Development

Better than Perfect

Hi there.

Things have been awfully quiet around here, haven’t they? Which is funny, since long before makeup, before entrepreneurship, before any career attempts I have ever made, there has always, always been writing.

You know who stops me every time though? Perfectionism. That voice that tells me I shouldn’t say something until I know for sure that it is the right thing to say, the right way to say it. That, every time I have an idea that I would like to share, screams at me that the format of the website is a disaster and you can’t just start publishing your business blog on a half created mess of a platform but you don’t have time to put into figuring that out because you need to be doing income producing activities because you have a family to support now and you took a crazy huge risk as a single mom choosing not to return to a soul-sucking office job after mat leave but instead to work a brand new home-based business with no business background so you could stay home with your baby who you love more than life itself and you’d better not fail him. And then, generally, I collapse into a shame-fuelled Netflix hole.

So today I am deciding to just be here with you. To be real with you, and let you share this journey, wherever it leads. Here are a few key things I do know. I have some pretty deeply rooted limiting beliefs that I am still only getting a handle on unravelling. There are parts of my brain that contribute to my struggle, perhaps more than some, certainly less than others. Those parts have labels like adult ADD, anxiety, and depression. I have an impressive array of unhelpful coping mechanisms that have become mixed up in this process.

There are other things I am learning though. I am stronger than I have ever fully allowed myself to realize. I may be almost 39 which can feel like a ridiculous age to just be figuring so much of this life stuff out – including love, career, money, purpose – basically everything adult-related. But I am also not even 40 yet and have a fabulous amount of potential still left and now is certainly not the time to admit defeat.

So today I’m choosing to dust myself off again and keep going, and I promise, we will go together.20190212_092115